I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize