The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
