Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I think im going to throw up on grandma
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Randomize
