Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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