I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
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