Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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