At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
he's gonorrhea incarnate
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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