i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
