idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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