Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
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When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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