It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize