We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
