This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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