Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
