Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
