then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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