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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
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i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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