Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Banned from zoo.
Again?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
