We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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