There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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