my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
