these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I FOUND THE LEGS
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