I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
