to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
