he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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