Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
