So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
