Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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