btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
