i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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