I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Pants are for mortals
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
