OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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