My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
