Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
