i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
