So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize