Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
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...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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