Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
