It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
