"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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