he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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