the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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