I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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