i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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