just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
