Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
