So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Randomize
