and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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