Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
