literally had 100 drinks last night.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
