i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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