I look better un-naked...
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
