I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
