well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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