we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
