u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
