her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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