my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
