i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
