I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
why do cheetos always look like penises
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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