I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
