new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
