The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
