that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
